Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
