After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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