Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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