you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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