He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
