i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
