just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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