His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
