Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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