So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
