Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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