Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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