Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
