sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
