Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
