I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
