I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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