no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
