Im at strip club and am horny
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
