and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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