I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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