My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
