i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
