there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
