I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
its liver damage thursday
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
