I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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