the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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