Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
