I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
