i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
