question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
