if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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