I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
