and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
