saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
