I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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