fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
