so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
