the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
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