I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
