so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
