so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
