Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
