i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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