I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
