I should be sponsored by Trojan
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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