11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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