Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
