Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
