Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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