Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
