Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
