Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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