The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
