If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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