Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
