I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
