i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
