I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
