I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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