Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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