i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
