Is it normal to miss your booty call?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
