you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
