if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
