Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
bring money and cleavage
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
