***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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