For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
