he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
