textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
