I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
