What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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