I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
