What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
